Guest Post by Matthew Langham
It can be quite a challenge if you decide to move an elderly loved one into your family home and you should prepare those impacted to face major changes. The basic problem of mobility can often be a difficult issue for children to grasp and they can benefit from guidance to further understand why their grandparents are living in the family home. Quite often the elderly can become confused?with both you and your children not fully understanding the reasons why. It is important that you set a good example and avoid getting frustrated with your children as well as your elderly relative.
Older children can benefit from careful coaching to address frustration and impatience caused by unpredictable behavior. Encourage them to talk with their relative even though they appear confused. Let them know the importance of responding to the emotional content of what your loved one is saying rather than necessarily confusing them with the actual facts. If the child?s grandma thinks she is on a cruise you might ask her if she is enjoying herself.
Plenty of patience will be required by all members of the family. Children may need to learn to accept the forgetfulness that causes the elderly relative to have trouble with the simplest of daily tasks. It is common to need to speak a little more loudly and bit more slowly so they can both hear and understand what you are saying. Be patient if it takes them longer to go places and keep your home tidy to avoid any clutter on the floor which could be a potential hazard.
Explain to children the importance of walking frames and stairlifts, how they bring a degree of independence to the elder, and the fact that they are not toys to be played with. These devices allow mobility and to help the aged navigate daily life. Just because it looks like fun when the motorized chair goes round corners on a curved stairlift doesn?t mean you can use it to play on.
Learning to live with an elderly relative can be a lengthy process requiring time and patience to adjust for all the family. Daily routines may become longer and you may have to take on a bigger workload. Allow your elderly family member the time to get used to their new surroundings. Some say that the situation can be compared to looking after another child as they are used to their own routines and may not like to do things in different ways. Lay some ground rules for your home and make sure you keep on top of all clutter to ensure safety to all.
Above all talk with your children about age and how growing old is not something to fear. Explain that your elderly relative is still the same person even if they struggle to remember you, forget your name or have trouble with mobility. Answer your child?s question and be open and honest. Give them time to sit down with you and discuss dementia and the variety of changes that may occur to make life easier for the entire family. It is not an easy time but if everyone is willing to pitch in and go the extra yard to provide a safe supportive environment, the benefits of time spent with older family members can be a blessing rather than a burden.
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