Thoughts on this issue?

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Today, 12:50 PM	? #1 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 942	Wasn't real sure where to put this but anyway here it goes. Is it possible for someone to have had some sexual encounters when they were a child, not really forced abuse, but sexual encounters nonetheless, that were of course probably shameful and humilating but yet not carry over into adulthood? My wife has a friend who confided in her not long ago, that her husband told her about some things that happened to him as a child. Things that he didn't consider actual abuse, but things that a 10 yr old boy shouldn't have really experienced. She said she thought that when sexual situations occur in a child that it would play out in adulthood and in areas of their relationships. She stated her husband never seemed overly sexed, he never seemed that he didn't want it. There seems to be no triggers of any kind when engaging in sexual relations. Nothing seems off or weird etc. I guess she was feeling if someone had those things happen to them there would be some kind of sign that something was wrong when grown. She did say too, even though there seemed to be no sexual issues, he was an alcoholic for years but that seems to be under control since he stopped a few years back, but he does have issues with being emotionally connected. So maybe thats where it plays out? Has anyone else experienced sexual issues as a child and it carried over into adulthood and adult relationships? If so how did you react or what were your triggers? If you had things happen sexually as a child, have you NOT had anything from those experiences carry over sexually, if not why do think it hasn't? Or maybe they carried over in other ways? Thoughts? __________________ "When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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Today, 01:51 PM	? #5 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 469	I think sexual abuse or whatever, can manifest itself in different ways by the time a child is an adult. I think it can effect them greatly. And even more so, if it was never dealt with. Some may show it in sexual ways as an adult, some may show it in other ways, such as emotionally or mentally etc. Anger, or withdrawal, addictions etc. Not saying all people with addictions or anger issues were abused, I'm simply saying it can be a part of their coping mechanism for some. You said your wife's friends husband, had emotional connection issues that might be part of it. Sexual abuse, is a trust issue. They grow up not trusting other people. So even though he may not have any worries in the sex dept, he can't connect emotionally with the heart which can be just as bad. __________________ "If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten."
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Today, 01:53 PM	? #6 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 3,847	Quote: I think sexual abuse or whatever, can manifest itself in different ways by the time a child is an adult. I think it can effect them greatly. And even more so, if it was never dealt with. Some may show it in sexual ways as an adult, some may show it in other ways, such as emotionally or mentally etc. Anger, or withdrawal, addictions etc. Not saying all people with addictions or anger issues were abused, I'm simply saying it can be a part of their coping mechanism for some. You said your wife's friends husband, had emotional connection issues that might be part of it. Sexual abuse, is a trust issue. They grow up not trusting other people. So even though he may not have any worries in the sex dept, he can't connect emotionally with the heart which can be just as bad. Wow, you answered my question before I was even done editing... LoL!!! I agree with what you've noted. Posted via Mobile Device
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Today, 02:01 PM	? #8 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 3,847	Abuse is not always violent. This situation describes perfectly the incident my husband encountered at a very young age. Highly inappropriate, but he wasn't beaten and raped, no. Yes, this still does affect someone, in my opinion. Quote: Is that what he says or what someone else told him?(tht he shouldnt have experieinced it?) I think this is often the case with sexually abused children... If it wasn't overtly violent or painful, it possibly might not even seem "wrong" to them until someone else says it is. I still think such a person is still prone to issues, no matter what they say they believe. As they become adults the awareness of that violation becomes glaringly apparent. I just don't know how it WOULDN'T affect someone... But, I could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time, lol! Posted via Mobile Device Last edited by YinPrincess; Today at 02:12 PM.
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Today, 02:13 PM	? #10 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 942	Quote: Hmm..this is kind of perplexing.If it wasn't "abuse" or lets say "innapropriate" at all as to cause issues ..why should he have not "experienced it"..If he "shouldn't have experienced" it wouldn't that have made it "wrong" therefore abuse on some level? Is it possible he doesn't "consider it abuse" but it was?It the "shouldnt have experienced it" comment that makes me wonder that.Is that what he says or what someone else told him?(tht he shouldnt have experieinced it?) I think it was his wife who felt those things shouldn't have happened to him at 10 years old. Experienced or happened to either way, I get what shes meaning. Basically what happened was. At 10 years old, he had a 15 year old girl, who was his sisters friend, take his clothes off and try to get on top of him, one night when she was spending the night with his sister, and no one was around at the time. once she heard footsteps she jumped up and ran into the other room. His wife said her husband told her, he felt ashamed and shocked. He was shy to begin with. Another incident was, he was around the same age, 10 and 3 older boys, not sure of their ages but one was 17 his wife said. Would hold him down and make him touch them inappropiately, and when he got scared they would all laugh. his wife said she didn't know if other things happened to with that situation, or if it was just the touching that occurred. She also doesn't know if he was touched or if he just touched them. She also stated he told her these were not incidents that were repeated, they only each happened that one time. from what I understand his home life wasn't to great either, so I'm sure that played a role in how effected him. I think what his wife was trying to say was, to him it wasn't that big of a deal. However its possible it could have effected him deeper than he thinks. __________________ "When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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