Communication is the path to all human interaction. Whether it is a conversation, a book, an email, a text, a piece of art, a song, or just the quirk of an eyebrow, the objective is to connect with another soul, to share something of ourselves, or to ask for something to be shared with us. We may need information or guidance. We might want to share a thought or a message. Or we may simply need to know that someone is listening, someone hears, someone cares. Whatever the need, whatever the motivation, communication is the link between us and the world.
But communication can be downright difficult, especially when it?s between people who are different from one another. Different languages, cultures, sexes, backgrounds, belief systems, etc. can all put roadblocks in the vital path of communication. Humans often hear only what we want to hear, or what we think we are going to hear, or are so focused on what we are going to say next that we miss entirely what is being said by another.
And that is where communication fails. Communication traveling in only one direction, not being received, processed, and returned effectively, leaves the ?commune? (sharing, connecting, bonding, interacting) out of communicate, rendering it at the very least useless, but more often damaging to the relationship.
Watch this spoof of Batman?s The Dark Knight, and pay attention to Batman?s increasing aggression at the Joker?s inability to understand him. While this spoof is humorous, if you consider how accurately it reflects the frustration between parent and child at the failure to communicate and a parent?s often punitive reaction to that frustration rather than pausing, listening, processing, understanding, and?empathizing, it loses much of its humor in light of reality.
When it comes to parent/child relationships, the onus is entirely upon the parent to facilitate effective communication. The relationship by its very definition is unequal in that children are entirely at the parent?s ?mercy.? Childhood isn?t a job that can be quit. It isn?t a class they can drop out of or a romantic relationship they can break-up with an ?It?s not you. It?s me.?? Children can?t stage sit-ins or protests or vote their parents out of office. They are, effectively, ?stuck? with what they were born or adopted into.
In every way, the parent/child relationship reflects the parent?s mindset, whether that be kind, empathetic, and responsive or distant, disconnected, and austere or harsh, controlling, and punitive or disjointed, confusing, and chaotic. Parents choose, day in and day out, the kind of home environment in which their children will grow up. Parents decide, every day, how their children will view the world. And parents impact, over and over again, who their children will grow up to be.
Communication is the core of all parent/child interaction. Whether the parent chooses to brandish it like a sword to control their child or wield it like a mallet to hammer them into shape or whisper it like an invitation to follow, communication is the means of parenting. What is lacking in the sword and mallet is connection, sharing, understanding,?camaraderie. Parents who choose to whisper, ?Come, follow me and we?ll do this together,? are, in effect, joining hands with their children and growing together into a beautiful friendship that will last a lifetime.
For ideas about how to effectively communicate with your child, see Tots to Teens~Communication Through the Ages and Stages.
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Related posts:
The Trouble with Kids Today
Better Children, Better World
Toddlers: Teens in the Making
The Measure of Success~Chinese Parents and French Parents Can?t BOTH Be Superior!
Spare the Rod: The Heart of the Matter
In Cold Blood
Practical Gentle Discipline
Toddlers, Tantrums, and Time-Ins, Oh My!
Source: http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/2012/07/14/holy-communication-batman/
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